Friday, January 04, 2008

Coming Disinclinations

I was thinking of starting something new where I would post a relatively current trailer (I don't want to always post trailers but it seemingly comes to that at times) that makes me feel physically ill or repulsed or both. The kind of thing that you just can't believe looks that bad and the film was made and completed and that's the thing that's trying to sell it, you know? I don't go to the cinema as often as I'd like and I only have two antennae-received channels of television to choose from so I don't see that many and, as a result, some really stand out. Sometimes when you see a new release, the trailer section can be a lot of fun if they're remarkably awful but only if that awful is done correctly and you're in the right frame of mind to be entertained by a clip from something you wouldn't take money to sit through unless you were felling particularly masochistic or stupid. I can remember laughing myself silly when I saw the theatrical trailer for 'Stigmata'. I think my friend and I laughed so hard that we actually went when it came. The trailer was better. That was before Youtube, of course, and I haven't seen it since.

I've chosen two recent pieces to share and I'm going with both this first time because when I was reviewing my thoughts I noticed that the pair come from the highly overpaid minds that were, in some capacity, also involved with "The Devil Wears Prada" which I also somehow missed during its run. They each seem to deal with somebody's idea of ultimate and perfect romance and I must state that I am not against this genre and I am a wholly sensual being who is familiar with feelings that don't necessarily make me wince. Believe it.

So, go with peace and be happy that you've saved a little money and if these two previews make you feel just a little nauseous, I apologize while simultaneously feeling a little better knowing that we're similar and in this often unfit world together and, I suppose, my work at this instant is done. But there will be more, you can wager on that.


martin s said...

Yeah, my breakfast just flushed right through me.

Colin said...

urk! i'm typing this and my mouth is full and the pressure in my cheeks is building. SPEW!

i know that I will be forced to see one of these on the plane for my next trip. thats how I saw DEVIL WEARS PRADA, with my ipod on when I would look up from my book.

and we have the routine use of the movie trailer narrator dude in the wedding one. its like he has just recorded websters dictionary and they just hit keys rigged with his voice.

"jane was good at taking care of everyone..."

"but she never took care of herself"


"A woman whose entire life..."

"is spent making others happy..."

"is about to discover..."

"how to do the same for herself"

"from the screenwriter of..."

thanks to technology, this guy is going to be narrating trailers for the next century. how much does he get paid to utter those words?

Michael said...

But doesn't it make you feel good and certain that the films you are seeing are exceptional? In reality, poor quality filmmaking helps everyone in some way!

Too much, Colin. Mind you, I'd kill for that job. It would be so great to just sell that shit and be all smug about it. Lucky bastard will live forever too!

I actually find myself remembering bad film dialogue from trailers more than actual scenarios I really enjoy. I must learn to focus in 2008.

Jesse said...

I saw the trailer for Captain Correlli's Mandolin, like, 5 times in theatres, to the point where I was able to master my Penelope Cruz imitation.

These kinds of trailers are a public service - you can feel entitled to your withering opinion about horrible movies that you haven't actually had to endure from beginning to end. You don't need to eat the entire apple to know that it's rotten.

Michael said...

I agree with you fully.

I think I spent at least two months saying, "What others? What others?!" during the great days of Mary Reilly press overload.